I think pretty much every blogger and writer does the “turning 30″ post; some are refreshingly honest about the angst that many have about 30, some are cloying in their attempt to be reassuring, and some are like that tough love pep talk that you get sometimes that helps but kind of doesn’t

Photo from cakes-you-can-bake.com

. I’ve been thinking about what my version would say for the past few months now, and I still haven’t whittled down my thoughts into one neat package for consumption yet. Maybe that’s symbolic of what turning 30 is really like. For what ever reason, 30 is the age that has been deemed over time as the age of completion. This is what I thought as a ten-year-old with three ponytails on my head. Thirty would be the magical age when I would suddenly be turned in to Oprah or Janet Jackson or Judy Blume ( you know you read Forever, and you know you loved it…don’t trip).

Thirty is a magical number for some that signals their “arrival” as a full-bodied adult: kids have been born, love has been found, and the dream wedding has happened, the career ladder has been climbed and the two-story bungalow with a picket fence has been moved into. For others, 30 is a number of despair since none of the things that should be “in place” by now are.

In order to avoid this despair, some of us made lists, probably between the ages of 21 to 25, of everything we wanted to accomplish by the time we turned 30. I had one. It was as follows:

To Be Completed By 30

1. Get married

2. Have 2.5 kids

3. Become national bestselling author

4. Win Nobel Prize in Literature and Pulitzer Prize

5. Buy dream house

I have yet to accomplish any of these things, but the ironic thing is that I don’t think I would have been able to do these things in my 20s anyway. All of these things require lots of knowledge of self, wisdom that comes with experience, and the confidence to trust in that knowledge and experience. It took the duration of my whole 20s to get to the place where I could start to develop both of these things.

Now that I am officially in my 30s, I feel like a fog has been lifted from my face and my real life has begun. What I learned as I sometimes stumbled through my 20s is that these types of artificial deadlines that we impose on ourselves cause lots of undue anxiety. Lists of things that should be done by a certain age help us to plan our lives and stay on track, but they should be regarded as tentative. As long as you are continually moving towards your goals and your priorities are stacked up right, the age when you complete those goals should be irrelevant. Goals should grow and change along with you. Don’t cheat yourself out of happiness because it didn’t come by 30.

Photos courtesy of VegasNews.com, TheSouthIsBlooming.com, and BoxingKitten.com

Southern girls have always been known to have a certain unique flair when it comes to fashion. From time to time, I’ll start featuring prominent women of the South whose closets I’d love to raid.

What pair is better to start with than the Houston based Knowles sisters, both of whom have exemplified the Southern creative touch to fashion since the early days of Destiny’s Child. These days, Beyoncé and Solange can both be seen wearing vibrant African tribal prints, bold junky jewelry with plenty of semi precious gemstones, and heads full of luscious curls. Ever since I saw Solange in the above Boxing Kitten dress, I’ve been pining for something by the upcoming designer. Maya Lake, creator of Boxing Kitten, makes pieces from beautiful Nigerian Ankara fabric that are equal parts 1940s pin-up and Nigerian queen.

Lake’s pieces can be a splurge with prices that range from $90 to almost $300. For a more economical option, check out Atlanta native Archel Bernard’s store for festive dresses, skirts and more in Liberian prints. In a do-it-yourself mood? Check out Etsy for wholesale Ankara fabric to make your own chic pieces.

Aura- Beauty

Sophisticate- Fashion

Aware- Social Commentary/News

Focus- Career

People + Culture- Entertainment

Balance- Health

Love + Relationships- Relationships ( of course!)

I also want to start profiling successful, beautiful, sophisticated Southern African-American women once a month. If you have any suggestions about who you would like to see, send me a message or leave a note in the comments. I’m excited about the future of Reasons And Roses, especially because this is only the beginning.  I have much bigger plans in store! Keep watching and enjoy! In the meantime, check out my first piece at Madame Noire about bragging vs. branding in the age of the Internet job search.

I originally planned to do this post about how the reaction over the first pictures of Blue Ivy Carter, newborn daughter of Pop superstar Beyoncé Knowles and Hip-Hop king Sean “Jay-Z” Carter, was a reminder of how “regular folk” can’t help but to worship celebrities in a celebrity obsessed media culture. Then, just last night, music icon Whitney Houston unexpectedly died while attending celebratory festivities for tonight’s Grammy Awards. I can’t help to think of how ironic it is that Friday night, Twitter was ablaze with jubilation about the beginning of a life, finally seeing Blue, debates about which parent she resembled more, and fantasies about the charmed life that she’s destined to live. Only one day later, we were mourning the death of the woman that many considered to possess the best voice in modern times.

It’s no secret that Houston had her demons, but I hope that negativity bias that we’re used to when it comes to embattled stars is set aside so she will be remembered for creating music that was and still is the backdrop to many of our most precious life events. If you’ve ever listened to a couple serenade each other with a rendition of “I Believe in You and Me”, lip sung into a hair brush to “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, or put “I Will Always Love You” on repeat as tears stream down your face, you know the power that Houston’s voice has to make memories that much more memorable. I remember buying the soundtrack to The Bodyguard as a 10-year-old after being mesmerized by hearing “I Will Always Love You” on the radio. That album was one of the first that I bought once I started earning an allowance.

I guess we must analyze celebrities so much because they are reflections of us. They are our dreams and fears in physical, breathing form. When they triumph or fail, they do so exponentially. Celebrity, like anonymity, is a proverbial double edged sword. Not many people have access to the prime platforms that celebrities have access to. Not many people have the pressure that they have to endure. Some are crushed under the weight of sequins encrusted façades that ironically were created to protect their sometimes tender egos. Some, like Sampson, are able to handle what’s thrown at them and what they step in so long as their hair is not cut by one of the many waiting Delilahs. Still, others are able to make celebrity do their bidding; they tame it like a wild horse and ride it to a destination of their choosing. They know that it’s fleeting, and they treat it like the fickle being that it is.

Celebrity is one of those things that seems to cartoonize or even dehumanize a person. We criticize the celebrities who obviously struggle with fame in very public, humiliating ways, yet we accuse celebrities who are able to take control of fame by being extremely private of being “fake” or denying us of something that we have no right to. I don’t believe that celebrities are charity cases, but the public’s treatment of them especially at times like this only proves how out of touch we are with what it means to be human.

Although we don’t yet know what killed Whitney Houston, many people are looking for someone to blame for this sudden tragedy. Some pin it on Houston’s ex husband Bobby Brown, who is often credited with allegedly introducing her to the vices that she fought for a good portion of her life. Some say Houston brought this on herself for allowing addiction to take hold of her. I expect these types of rationals from a society that condemns a person for having a problem while also ridiculing said person for a cheap laugh.

Of all of the people that Whitney Houston leaves behind, I feel the most for her 19-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. I hope that she finds comfort in the fact that her mother will be loved and cherished worldwide for the music that now immortalizes her.

Clockwise from left: Lace and fishnet tights, Betsey Johnson,$14.95 at DSW; Argyle sock tights, suspender tights, and knee high tights, Pretty Polly, $25-$35 at Nordstroms.

Sweater dresses will rule heavily in my wardrobe this winter because of their quaint femininity and effortless simplicity. I love to set off a sweater dress in a rich color with fun tights, but sometimes it’s hard to look sleek and less Muppet Baby. Trompe l’oeil tights, which are printed to look like suspenders and stockings, might help to give your favorite sweater dress a sexy side. I’d definitely wear the argyle sock tights to work, and the pearl suspender tights would be great for a chilly night out. The UK based company Pretty Pollyhas the widest selection of Trompe l’oeil tights, many evoking a 1940s bombshell effect. What do you think? Too burlesque or quirky-sexy?

R&R Sophisticate- Fashion
R&R Aura- Beauty
R&R People+Culture- Entertainment
R&R Aware- News&Social Commentary
R&R Focus- Career/Writing Life
R&R Love+Relationships
R&R Balance- Health

In the past, I assigned each label to a specific day of the week, but now I’m going to blog Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays on whatever one of these is on my mind for that day. As the year goes on, I hope to be able to pick up more days to blog until I am able to blog multiple times each day.

To all of my readers, thank you for bearing with me during this transition. I hope that you will continue to grow with me through Reasons&Roses and that you will enjoy everything that is in store for 2012 and beyond.

Peace and Love,

Olette

Fragrances have a way of attaching themselves to memories that is reminiscent of music. Your first kiss will always be punctuated with the scent of his cologne or you may think that Black Raspberry Vanilla body spray reeks because your tyrant boss wears it. Like music, fragrances frame our lives in a way that gives it the power to transport us back in time with just a faint aroma. These 10 scents take me back to varying parts of my life, from high school to now:

Peach Soft Musk by Avon

This was one of the first fragrances that I spent my own money on. It was my signature scent during my freshman year in high school. The mix of sandalwood and peach was a lot more sophisticated than the Loves Baby Soft spray that all the other girls were wearing, so I figured that I stood out. I guess it wasn’t as much of a signature as I thought since I sprayed an anonymous note with the perfume before I mailed it to my secret crush. He never knew it was me, but it was funny watching him fantasize about who he thought it was as he kept sniffing it in class. His ego was swollen all day.

Skin Musk by Bonne Bell

I used to steal some of this from my late grandmother’s bathroom when I was in high school. Musks were my thing at the time. I alternated between this and the Peach Musk. It was warm and sensual, but not overbearing or obnoxious like something a “fast girl” would wear. My grandmother would show me how to wear it: one dab on each side of my neck, a dab in my cleavage, and a dab on each thigh. I still follow the same perfume application ritual today.

Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden

Every cheerleader in my high school wore this, and that meant that every girl at my high school wanted to wear this. It’s very bright and full citrusy; everything you would expect for a cheerleader preferred fragrance to be. I wore this for a while, but it started to become way too cloying for me.

Vanilla Musk by Coty

Another musk. This was the scent that started a long vanilla trend in perfumes. I think I got this for Christmas towards the end of high school. Peach Soft Musk had been retired as my signature scent and I thought this would be a great replacement. The only problem was that it was so popular that every girl plus her mama and grandma were wearing it. To the bottom of my drawer it went.

Miracle by Lancome

I wore this during my freshman year in college. And yes, it is another musk. Hampton is such a fashion show school that I didn’t have to worry about someone else wearing my scent. Finally, I had a signature scent without biters.

Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana

Ok, I copied this one from one of my roommates. It was a different type of citrus that was popular among girls from New York, New Jersey, and other northern areas. I stopped wearing it because it started to smell like air freshener on me.

Love Spell by Victoria’s Secret

I think everyone wears Love Spell at some point in life. It’s pretty much required if you’re a girly girl. Love Spell was so popular at Hampton that you can smell it as soon as you walk into any girl’s dorm.

Romance by Ralph Lauren

This was a Christmas gift one year while I was in college. I’m surprised that I liked it because it has a very masculine scent to it. I think the bottle broke during the move back to campus for spring semester, so everything in my suitcase smelled like Romance. People would come in my room and wonder who I was hiding under my bed.

Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel

I was introduced to this scent by one of my sorority sisters who has since passed away, and it is still one of my favorites. It’s not as stuffy as some of the other Chanel perfume offerings. I treated myself to a bottle of eau de toilette for surviving a year of teaching sixth graders.

Dark Kiss by Bath and Body Works

This is by far the best scent B&BW has ever made. I raved over it profusely when it was released last year, so I’ll spare you now. It reminds me of Coco Mademoiselle, probably because they both share the vetiver note. It’s one of the signatures that I trade out for other scents as I find them.

What’s your fragrance autobiography?

When I was younger, I used to think that celebrities woke up in the morning looking as fabulous as they usually do. I guess I assumed that they had some sort of magic pillow that kept every hair in place during their slumber and a fairy godmother that waved a wand over their perfectly beat faces( that’s makeup artist speak for well done makeup). It wasn’t until I started falling in love with magazines in my teens that I realized how much goes into creating the brand that a celebrity must exude every time they step into the view of the public eye. Article after article would describe how faces have makeup airbrushed on, bodies are nipped and tucked, and hair is shipped from the far corners of the world to make a pop star or or a movie starlet look like the goddess fantasy that we expect to see.

It’s a well known fact that most celebrities hold their glam teams, that’s hair stylists, make up artists, wardrobe stylists, and other appearance grooming professionals, in equal esteem with their publicists and even managers. These people have the type of magic that turns a regular girl next door into a sexy, yet sophisticated screen siren or a stately and statuesque diva icon. With the right people on your side, you can assemble your own glam team to assist you in creating and maintaining your unique look. I asked Monica Barnett, image consultant and creator of Blueprint for Style, about who she thinks should be a first round pick on any girl’s glam team:

1. Image Consultant or Personal Stylist

Don’t think you can afford a personal stylist? Odds are that you already have one. We all have that friend, sister, or cousin that we love to go shopping with because she always knows what’s going to look great on you while she steers you clear of what won’t look so hot on you. Ask for her expertise on what direction she thinks your style should go. Let her put the final touches on an outfit that you love. She’ll be more than happy to put her style radar to work for you. Think you want to try a professional image consultant? Check out the Association of Image Consultants International‘s extensive list of recommended stylists to make sure you get more for your dollar.

2. Makeup Artist

Yep, it’s likely that you have one of these among your crew too. You know that friend that seems to always have her makeup on point? Ask her for a few tips and maybe she’ll even give you a short lesson or two. MAC, BeneFit, and many other counter makeup retailers will give you a makeup application session if you buy a few products from them afterward. It’s worth it if you’ll come away with stuff that you know how to use and that you know works for you.

3. Hair Stylist

I added this one because of course the hair must be done to complete any look, but your hairstyle need not be a masterpiece of artistry all the time. Try to choose a stylist that emphasizes healthy hair practices over fads and fashion. Ask their opinion of how you can achieve a style that’s flattering while being easy to upkeep and simple enough to dress up or dress down depending on the occasion. Also, make sure you ask for product recommendations that work with your hair. I’m a product junkie and I love to try new things, but many times less is more especially when it comes to hair.

These three style pros will become your BFFs in your journey to discover your most stylish you. Am I missing someone? Who would you add?

Chanel: Her Style and Her Life by Janet Wallach

Coco Chanel is by far the epitome of personal style. From the iconic four pocket wool suits to the Coco Mademoiselle perfume( one of my faves) that bears her namesake, Chanel continues to be one of the reigning haute couture house of our generation. If you’ve ever carried a quilted bag or worn long strands of pearls, you’ve been touched by the essence of Chanel. Even though the house has taken on a rather gothic edge this fall, most of the pieces stay true to her graceful class.

Yves Saint Laurent:Icons of Fashion Design by Marquerite Duras

Yves Saint Laurent’s simple, understated style is much like Chanel in that it doesn’t try too hard, yet it creates the type of aura that many people years trying to create. His Muse handbag,with it’s small door knocker-like detail and round shape, is still a staple status bag to this day. YSL is career chic at it’s best.

The Fairchild Dictionary of Fashion by Charlotte Mankey Calasibetta, Phyllis Tortora, and Bina Abling

This is the nuts and bolts of fashion. Knowing the language of fashion is key to being able to ask for the look that you want. There’s an abridged online version at WWD, if you don’t want to search the 15,000 entries in this book.

What’s your favorite style book? What are some titles that you would like to add to your glam library?

We’ve all seen her. She’s the girl who is always impeccably dressed with hair that constantly fluctuates from different degrees of fabulousness every time you see her. She commands a room with a presence that is equal parts Kimora Lee Simmons, Beyonce, and Michelle Obama. Everything about her is intricate and immaculate, yet she always has a pulled together, effortless aura around her. Oh and let’s not forget that her face is always decked with the latest from the MAC counter. How does she combine Goodwill, Target, Chanel, and Chloe purchases with a perfect balance that blends into something that solely hers? She’s got something that’s worth much more than anything by the latest status brand: personal style. Style is something that takes lots of effort to develop, but once you have it, shopping is much easier and a whole lot more fun.

A “look book” is a great first step to discovering your personal style. Traditionally used by haute couture fashion houses to demonstrate how a collection of clothing will work together, look books have been increasingly more popular in mainstream magazines and advertisements because of their ability to show the intentions that a designer has for a piece in a more complete way. They are great playgrounds for experimenting with combinations and they can help you ensure that you will get exactly the look that you are aiming for. Ready to make your own? Follow these steps and you’ll have a blueprint for a style that’s all your own.

1. Decide on whether you want to go digital or hard copy with your look book.

A look book can be a cheap Mead notebook from Wal Mart or a file on your iPad. As long as you have plenty of space to organize all of the clips, pictures, and other tidbits that you’ll collect along the way to your personal style, it doesn’t matter how you keep them together. I prefer a pretty journal-like notebook with pockets since I like to move the pieces around to get a better idea of how they will work together. Image consultant Arash Mazinani has some great ideas for how to make a more tech savvy look book.

2. Look for inspiration from everything around you.

Always be on the look out for stylish clips for your look book. Movies, passersby at the mall, even flowers or birds could give you an idea for a fierce outfit. Street style blogs like this one from Essence that focuses on Atlanta or this one from Memphis are a great place to get ideas and see how they work on real women.

3. Become a magazine junkie

I can spend hours in my stacks of magazines cutting out pictures of things that I’d like to add to my style. Of course you’ll want to have copies of the major fashion mags, but even home decor glossies might have something that could pique your interest. Do you love how the colors in a room from Elle Decor come together? Cut it out, put it in your look book, and head to the mall to try putting together an outfit with the same colors.

4. Don’t let a great outfit idea pass you by. Capture it in your look book!

Keep a camera on hand to take pictures of things that inspire you as you travel. Great outfit ideas are like a song on the radio that you love but don’t know the name of. If you don’t capture at least some of it, the idea may be gone forever. Nothing is more frustrating than having the perfect idea for an outfit that fades away before you get a chance to see how it will work.

Happy clipping!